Welcome to entry one of the daily blogs. Having been a professional athlete for a decade, now working with professional athletes and sporting organizations, I come across problems, themes and lessons every day that make me lean back and think to myself, “I know there is someone out there who needs to hear this.” And so, this is step one to creating those solutions.
Each morning (wherever in the world that happens to be) I will post about something going on in my life, whether that be business, personal or otherwise, in hopes of providing a solution or inspiring the next person to step forward in their own lives.
Today, I want to talk about the 3 self’s, a major pillar in my business when working with an athlete. An understanding and balance of the 3 self’s is what gives us value, worth, power and success.
The Japanese say we, as individuals, wear three masks throughout our lifetime. The first mask is the one we show everyone in the world. The second mask is the one we show close friends, family and loved ones. The third mask we show no one and this is the truest version of who we are.
Our 3 self’s are made up of our self belief, self confidence and self esteem. Let’s start with belief first.
Self Belief (Thoughts)
If there is one thing people are always interested when asking about professional athletes, is their mindset and ability to overcome adversity in pursuit of their goals. With odds stacked against them, athletes seem to have another gear when it comes to goal setting and achieving— a superhuman-like power that sets them apart from the rest. In all honesty, this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Self belief is simply the thoughts that go through our heads. However positive or negative these thoughts may be, they need to be acknowledged and worked with. Negative thoughts aren’t the end all be all and certainly don’t mean they are our reality.
The fifteen year old kid going through high school is having the exact same self doubt that NBA players are going through. When you sit across from some of the top athletes in the world and they are telling you they are having the thoughts of, “I can’t,” or, “this isn’t going to work out for me,” it shows one very particular theme— the process for each and every one of us is the same.
Our minds already work on a negativity bias, meaning negative events are more powerful in our mind than positive ones. The negative thoughts we hold are known as ‘Part X’ in our psychology. It is our minds way of self sabotaging and keeping us stuck where we are. Life becomes more predictable and that’s what our mind wants but not what we want.
So how do you conquer ‘Part X?’ The first step is understanding that ‘Part X’ isn’t going anywhere and it will be with you your entire life. The second step is understanding the negative thoughts your mind is producing stems from a memory of what you have been taught (or in most cases, told.)
The second step in overcoming your minds negativity is to stop looking at the negativity as a direct message. Instead, look at what it is really telling you. “I’m not good enough for _____,” really means, “I need to put more work into ______ to achieve my goals.” “I am going to fail,” really means, “If I give my best shot at this, anything can happen for me.”
Correcting the negative thoughts in our heads over time quiets ‘Part X,’ while allowing those negative thoughts to run rampant only lets them to grow louder.
Self Confidence (Response)
There is often a misconception around self confidence and that it is belief, or the thoughts that run through our minds. When we talk about confidence, the words, “to do,” are either followed or implied. For example, we would say, “I wish I had the confidence to do ______.”
Confidence is the response or action we take as a result of our negativity bias. For example, if our thought is, “I am not good enough,” we often will want to give up (which is a negative confidence.) Instead, if we think, “I am not good enough,” our response needs to be, “I need to keep working hard and improving.”
What we choose to do in response to our negative thoughts is the difference maker in our well-being and ability to perform.
This is where athletes really set themselves apart. When there is a lack of belief, there is work that gets put in. Our levels of confidence are generally results based from our experiences. For example, an individual who took extra shots throughout the week, generally shoots better in games. Students who study extra for tests, generally perform better than those who don’t. We tend to remember the ‘extra’ that we do and the results it garners.
The action we take and the decisions we make will always affect our confidence. Find solace in the discipline you take to achieve the goals you set for yourself and tick off your daily tasks. Our anxiety builds up the longer we let our responsibilities go unattended to, ultimately deteriorating our mental health and ability to perform because we are overwhelmed with stress. Studies show for every 1.5% of depression and anxiety an individual suffers, 1.3% of their performance will suffer.
Self Esteem (Feelings)
Our self esteem is how we feel about ourselves and the feelings we have towards a situation and each emotion we feel has a purpose. For example, anxiety is our problem solving mechanism and sadness is the internal compass to what we need to improve within ourselves.
We all have major fears— mine happens to be flying (not an ideal fear when you choose to play basketball professionally all over the world.) For others, it may be public speaking or being judged by others. Whatever your fear is, you are being directed towards what you need to overcome.
Every time I step on a plane, I see it as a challenge to remain as calm as possible and settle into the flight. For those who fear public speaking, it is an opportunity to share your message and wisdom with the world and for those who fear the judgement of others, express yourself freely because you are here to inspire others.
Most people fear failure and the repercussions that come with it. That fear stems from a lack of thorough understanding of who you are and as a result, we as people put our value into what we do and the results we produce.
Always listen to how a situation makes you feel and gain a better understanding of what those feelings actually mean for you. Remember, don’t run from those feelings, understand them.
Below is a figure that shows how our 3 self’s are interconnected.
Health = Wealth
Our mental health is a direct predictor to our ability to perform. Understanding how we think, feel and the responses we take to each of those is the barometer of our mental health. When one of the 3 self’s is out of balance from the others, we fail to perform, our mental health deteriorates and eventually we spin out of control.
Almost every client I have ever worked with has come to me because of their performance issues. It’s rare that the problem is performance related. We start looking at what other areas of their life are out of balance. Maybe it’s their intimate relationship, maybe financial stress, their own mental health or a family issue. As soon as we sure up those issues, magically it seems their performance issues go away and they are back on top of their game.
If you want to achieve your goals and feel fulfilled along the way, look after your mental health. Listen to your thoughts, not necessarily how they are framed but what they are trying to tell you. Feel your emotions and understand what they’re trying to point you towards. Most importantly, take action, don’t sit back and allow yourself to become overwhelmed— attack the day. Champions do this better than anyone and that’s the athlete mindset that people are always most curious about. Nike says it best, just do it (and be wiling to live with the results.)
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